If I live to be 96, which is what I think I would like to… I will have lived half my life tomorrow. Tomorrow I have been here for 48 years. Forty-eight! What a great number, what a great age! It’s crazy when I think about everything I have done and experienced in half my life time. It’s comforting to think that I still have just as much time (as I’ve lived up) left to do everything else I want to do before I die. I’m sending a thought and my love to all of us who must leave this life too early. All of us who suffer and are unwell. All of us who must go before our time, and when we are not ready. I also think of all who are here and suffer because our lives are truly miserable, because we are unwell, because we are lonely. And finally I think of us who choose to suffer.. because we don’t know any other way to live, or because we think we must.
I am grateful for all that I have. I am grateful for my parents, for my children, for my love, for my friends, for the nature around me, for my health. I am grateful for my connection to the earth and to my own life. I am happy that I’m free to think and write what I please, to speak my heart, and do what I came here to do. I am grateful that I can see the positive in difficult situations, that I know my privilege, and that I enjoy a good challenge. I am thankful that I can be present in the moment and enjoy life as it is, with all it’s ups and downs.
It wasn’t always like that for me. When I was younger I “enjoyed” the suffering. The dips following the highs were worth it. I was a lot more destructive and detached. My friend Alex told me “Eva, you love the pain” as he saw me walk in in the morning with a bandage over my right eye after a night on the town. I assumed that that’s what life had in store for me, but at one point it got too painful and I had to stop it. What I could stop. Then gradually over 10 years I slowly learned new ways of being, reacting, reflecting, and started opening my eyes and my heart.
You have choices to make
The first thing to learn is that you have a choice. You can choose to live your life “half-assed”, not really engaged, dull, blind, and semi-content, or you can choose to live life at it’s fullest – in a positive or in a negative way. You can choose to do things that refill you or things that drain you. You can chose if you want to turn draining activity into refilling activity by shifting your mindset.
You can choose to live life for yourself or for others. When you learn how to refill, you will notice that your energy and your ability to love and give is endless, and it’s no extra work for you, but actually rewarding to give.
You can choose to grow, to expand your views, to evolve, and to stay young by continuing to learn, to care, and to engage – or you can choose to stagnate, to regress, to close the channels, and grow old.
Please take care of yourself. Learn to love yourself. Forgive yourself. Introduce yourself to someone you haven’t met before.
What is age but a number? I happen to like 48 as a number – but when I ask myself how “old” I am, I simply tell myself “I’m just the right age”. I know more and less than I did 10 and 20 years ago, I love more, I choose joy, and I am happy to have half of my life in front of me!